Our apartment isn't modern or gorgeous or spacious... but it was our home and we were so happy there. My car isn't pretty or desirable... but it was the first one I bought on my own, not a vehicle from my dad or a company owned sweet ride, and I was so proud of it. Whatever little we've had I've cherished and I'm sure Wee B would say the same. The very admition to myself that Tuesday is officially the last night that I'll tuck my little girl in in her sweet little room and that Wednesday is the last morning that we'll wake up, sit on our couch, have breakfast together and then tidy up our wonderful little home, is making me feel like I could choke on this grapefruit that's become lodged in my throat. When I drive Zippy to my brother's office tomorrow I know I'm going to sob the whole way there and that sticking up the "for sale" signs will feel like stabbing myself in the heart.
I'm not being negative or wallowing in self pity, I know these things to be true of myself; I'm sentimental, probably to a fault, and if pealing off every single one of Wee B's stickers from their various resting places about the apartment (toilet included) could take me a week and a half to accomplish thanks to delays caused by taking a "minute" to blow my nose whilst crying so hard my nose stuffed up, I know all too well that turning those keys to lock the front door and my car and then handing them over to their new owners is going to be an ordeal of catastrophically heartbreaking proportions! I feel like we are saying goodbye to an old friend. And don't even get me started on the fact that I am going to have to learn to live without having Maria as my neighbor! That thought floats around in my head, wounding me.
I wonder when life will settle down for us. When we'll plant roots that can take a firm hold on the ground beneath us. I know this post has nothing to do with food but I'm coming to the conclusion that this blog, subconciously, was never meant for just bleating on about insane flavor combinations and my blossoming love for tomatoes.
One last thing... I thought long and hard about maybe leaving behind just one sticker, hidden behind her bed or on the underside of her dressing table, just one as a testiment to the life we loved there, but I began to imagine the next tenants finding it and ripping it off, crumpling it up, throwing it away and it was more than I could stand! I took a three hour long break (it was more like a sob-fest) thanks to that thought! I really hope that those new people, the faceless new tenants, love their new place as much as we loved it and that they make themselves a home there.
T minus 3 days and sobbingly counting! I promise a recipe for something divine and sinful as my next post!
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